WTF?! Is Branden even Baked? Read below to Find The Fuck Out....

Well well, what have we here? A fresh new post, post respite, I suppose. Me? Oh, I've been fighting the good fight, pursuing revenge to an unhealthy level, chasing demons, pussy, and of course, the dragon. I've managed to stay out of trouble. No. Nope. Haven't done that exactly. I've managed to stay under the radar, participating in the usual amount of trouble. No cops in my life, knock on wood. Since last we spoke, I have lost the girl, had the girl return, ravished the girl(to prove a point), then banished the girl. Now, I am at peace with the(much heavier) girl just being a friend. I had a tattoo installed on my calf, had another one updated, and had my first one refreshed. I have the studio running and have been using it regularly. My dog died😢. I have resisted the urge to get a new one. I am enjoying the freedom from responsibility. I now have a troop of rabbits that live under my shed. They are eating my landscaping, but are an asset to the yard overall. I've nearly completed my side-yard project which includes a new deck and a water feature. I have had a new roommate for a year this month. She is a peach, and we share many passions, well, dope. My old roommate Dave Pettit Garcia, got shot in the face and murdered. RIP Dave. I miss you buddy. Frankie is doing well, living on a couch in East Brem. And finally, the 900 lb. gorilla in the room, Donald Fucking Trump. As with Baby Bush, I fear he will be re-elected. I hate what this cuntry has become. This cunt is running game on us you fucktards! The Republicans are a joke, and the joke is on us. I'm not even going to waste my typing trying to motivate anyone to vote Democrat. You either get it, or you suck. I will hope for the best and plan for the worst. Btw, you might want to grab some ice or snow and sock it away in your freezer so the grandkids will have some idea what things were like in the past.
Revolution and titties motherfuckers-



P.S. How 'bout them M's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Micro is the new Awesome super-fun to completion.

Micro. Seems simple enough. Small. Little. Tiny. Yet somehow, these synonyms do not convey the whole story. Microbrews are not designated driver drinks served in a thimble sized frosty mug. They are hand crafted, exquisitely rendered small batch masterpieces, which somehow absolve you of the lable drunk mother fucker. A microcosm is more than just a shrunken cosmos. It is a perfectly sublime example of a complex system in an easy to digest analogy. Micromanagement is the art of losing the forest for the trees. Yet micro is also an apt descriptor when I think of my own self image at this crucial crossroads that my life has stopped at. Look left. I see fresh new pavement. Perfectly drawn lines. Sensuous curves, not too sharp, roll away in the distance. Look right. Straight. Flat. Lonely. Behind me, my road I've known for years. Bumpy? Sure. Some fucking nightmare potholes too Brah. The road I've traveled to get here. Finally, I could go straight ahead. May be some trouble up around the bend. For sure, some nasty fender benders that I will have to take care of. My heart says stay the course. Work out the kinks as they come. My mind, which is tired of my heart getting its way, says hang a left and lick that route from stem to stern. Revel in that smooth tight fresh road and never look back........................................................

Tool is Cool

Watching them makes my mind drool.

Val is gone...

To treatment. Five days in detox, and 20 days in treatment...Then TOOL!!! June 17th at the Gorge in E. Washington. Damn! It's been a long time. About 15 years. I didn't see the 10,000 Days tour, figured I'd just catch the next one. Weather has been pretty good. 70's and sunny. My yard is to die for. Stone cold pimpin. I'm gonna use this time with Val gone to take care of some loose ends. Get organized. Take care of my damn taxes. Etc. Get some shit done yo.

Trump. Nope.

So, as I recover from an unfortunately placed abscess, I am watching, reading, listening. I know Trump has already done enough to justify impeachment. Not that I am foolish enough to think the crooked Republicans would even think about that. Hell, they may even investigate Hillary before they focus on the most unethical man to hold public office since Mayor Berry of D.C. So I wait. When Trump is sworn in, when he begins to deny people their constitutional rights, then if our congress fails to act, it will fall upon all able bodied men. And we will act. At least the real men will. We will be staring the end of the USA in the fucking face, and those that conspire with tyrants will be remembered, mark my words.

In other news: I got a Google Pixel. My brother is such a cunt. I'm going to Phoenix for M's spring training. VP and JP are moving to Manchester. It has been below freezing for weeks. My electrical is still fucked up. I have some big projects planned for the nice weather. Dry wells, drain field improvement, tree removal, new shop. Later, and keep up the resistance!

Butcher Babies Win BBaked Award for Rock Costume

Daddy Like...

I'm done pouting...On with life.

So I found this delightful little angel, and she is good. Let the record show that I found her first. I am trying to be more positive and this is the beginning of my balls to the wall positivity. You've been warned!



In other news:
Happy murder the injuns day! I'm eating at Sherry's with my roommate and my girl. Hawks are definatley heating up! Dawgs are still in it. Need to beat Wazzu! The weather sucks. A trip to Arizona is in my near future. The house is slowly conforming to my vision. My evil plan for world domination is coming together beautifully! Muha ha ha ha ha ha ha a a a a a!

My Oh My! Dawgs Eviscerate Cal!

Damn Dawg! That shit was brutal. 66-27, and IT WASN'T EVEN THAT CLOSE! These Huskies have the killer instinct that other UW teams haven't had. USC next week and a great test. If that doesn't move us into the top four they can shove the CFP rankings up their loose, calloused asses. I am itching to fight someone worthy. I'm hoping the WSU-UW Apple cup is one to remember. I'm rooting for WSU to go undefeated until the game against us. I'm guessing they will. Setting up a perfect storm of UW power VS. WSU Couging it. Fun fact: I lived at Wazzu in 1989. That's where the legend of Brad and Branden got it's glorious start. The winter of '89. Oh yeah. Spokane. The Parkade. Leather jackets. Eating moldy cheese. The news said "Don't go out today!" Good times. Good times. In other news: Val came home today. Seahawks already looking at a must win on Monday night. Cubs win it all. Frankie has worn out his welcome. Too bad too. We always had a good time, but a mutherfucker needs to pull his weight...He doesn't. Plus, the lies. I got two new PA speakers today. Peavey SP2 ti. The election is uncomfortably close. Visited Mom today. My B-Day is Monday, I'm hoping to get a Seahawks win. Brad and I had a crazy night December 4th, 1989 at the Monday Night Football game against....The Buffalo Bills. Took place in the mighty King Dome. Hawks won a thriller 17-16. Fucking poured down rain today. Cold too. Got the foose ball table taken down and put away. I'm on a historic runner, and shit is getting done yo. I'm over 500 followers on Instagram. @brandenhuff Stay tuned for more remastered Supercell joints. Trump is gonna get trucked. By a girl.

Happy Halloween

I cannot wait for this fucking election to be over. So tired of all of the lemmings following their blow-hard, ass-hole, dog-haired, liar of a presidential candidate around like beggars at a coin show. Fuck you Trump. And fuck you Trump followers. So sick of you. Go away mad. Anywho, I remastered an oldie but a goodie for All Hallows Eve. Here ya go...

P.S. HOW ABOUT MY MUTHERFUCKING DAWGS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Storm Of The Century (Trump's Upset)

Soooooo many things to blog about! First order of business, my Washington Huskies! They hung 70 on the Webfoots of Oregon. Somehow we got even for 12 years of frustration in one Saturday afternoon. Excuse me Ducks, I'm just gonna use your beak as a stepping stone, I'll put my foot right here, sorry, that's it, perfect. Thanks. We now have a clear path to the playoffs. Second order of business. This storm. Started earlier today, and is predicted to wipe humanity off of the planet, or at least cause some flooding. Third order of business. The Seahawks. Bye week is over. Everybody is well rested, and a tough Atlanta Falcons team is coming in to play this weekend. I like our chances. Jimmy Grahm has 100 yards in each of the last two games, so, let's keep that streak going. Finally, and surely least, The Trumpleupppagus is vewy upset that the mean weporters are all wighting mean stuff about him. He is so disadvantaged! Just because a pushy, my-way-or-the-highway kind of guy grabbed a couple of women by the pussy, then bragged about it on tape, bragged about it on Howard Stern, bragged about it to anyone who would listen, doesn't mean that it really happened that way. No, no, it was more like this: These women were about to fall, and Trumpy saved them by catching them by the inner-inner-inner thigh, cause it all happened so damned fast. Now everyone wants to spin it to make Trumproast look like a bad, bad, man. It's all very unfair. You know what? I'm gonna drop the gratuitous sarcasm and just be real for a minute. You dig? Here goes. Trump is a bully. Plain and simple. He bullies anyone he can get away with. When he gets grabby with women, he is really just trying to dominate. He is a punk bitch. Sexual predators are the lowest of the low. I'd like to see him bully me. He is not fit to lead anything, let alone this country at this crucial time. I hope all of my many, many readers that accidentally clicked on my blog while looking for 90210 style cooking tips, will do their civic duty and vote for Hillary Clinton on November 8th, and show the world that we're not all camouflage wearing, fat, uneducated, racists that watch NASCAR and shop at Walmart. PLEASE! Put down the Dew and Vote! In other news: Living room is painted, now working on the trim. Got my hard drive caddy for the laptop, now I need an SSD. Came in second in the first poker game of the year, congrats to Smackpaka. Got my LLC paperwork done, just need the 200 bones to file. Val is going to stay with her sister tomorrow for a while. We are still going strong, it's kind of a please-the-family kind of thing. I need to step up my game in the daily work dept. Chelsea has a chaweeny that is awesome, thinking about a puppy. That's all the news I choose for yous to chews. Until next time....Peace and Hillary, Not Trumpian Chaos.

I'm Not Sure If....

I'm not sure if this month is 'Toberin, but it's for sure Rockin.
This is FUCKING HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON HUSKIES FOOTBALL IS RANKED #5!!!!!!!
Two of the top four are from the Big Ten Conference and play each
other on November 26. That leaves a clear path for the Dawgs to
make the College Football Playoffs 2016! Damn Coach, that was
pretty fucking quick. You da man! Don James would be proud of the
team you've put together. OKG for real. These kids battle...And
win. There is a lot of season to go but I have waited a long time
to get back to a place we always knew we belonged. The top of the
heap baby. I'm livin on top of it. I'm livin on top of the heap!

In other news:
I got another section of fence up today. Completed one speaker stand. Got the computer switched over to an SSD. Have to go to Tukwila in a minute. Gonna get some new strings for my death-fiddle. I have cotton-mouth right now something(Sompthin)fierce. Hella baked yo. Mutherfuckin pie eyed. All my thoughts expressed as nods. Best intentions somehow lost. Your throat constricts, this burning thirst. Milkshake in hand, fortunes reversed. Your eager slurps betray the need. Fight through the pain, give in to greed. Milkshake consumed with reckless speed. Blood runs out of both ears, eyes defiant through the tears. Some kind of record that day he siezed, though died from massive cerebral cortex freeze. Gave old "Can't stop talking about work" the business so bad, he's gonna quit smoking heroin and be a NA superstar. Just think, all of those captive listeners. I'm Joe Carpenter and I'm an addict. Just yesterday I spent six hours making a movie about the half-hour of work I did. Then I went on Facebook and told everyone that I only have four dollars cause of all of my responsibilities. Even though I live in my Dad's basement. So I guess I'm just a super duper duche bag. Oh well, thanks for letting me share. Fuck you Opie. I couldn't care less if I never saw you again. It poured down rain yesterday. M's lost in extra innings and are out. Great fucking year. Again we are the champions of the teams that didn't make the playoffs. I'm gonna take the foosball table apart so I can put lights in and get a table for my house. I've got a great plan, can't wait to see it all in place. Tried to sell the table(BLASPHEMY!), but Smackpaka didn't follow through with a supposed sure-thing. Oh wow, big fucking surprise. That's okay, when I don't have any projects, I'll peel all of the laminate off of the table, get new, hip, modern laminate and re-finish it. Put in the coin box and get new rods and bushings, oh hell yeah! Gonna be the best fucking foose evah! Sticky Fingers Frizzo is stealing splash cymbals lately. We now have 2. Getting ready to put Christmas gifts on layaway. I have four hundred followers on Instagram. Val is swollen. Trump is a super fucking asshole grifter and if you vote for him, lose my number, shit for brains. Hawks handled the Jets and moved to 3-1. I'm gonna get Lisa's carry and take some time off of my (H)obby. I need some more face and mind healing time. I am still winning, but no reason to coast now. Well, my little sycophants, that's all the news that's hip to ship

Check this out...Rocktoberfest is upon us!

I found this dude on Youtube tonight. I was looking at videos on drum tuning. Turns out, he knows fucking everything in the world about music. I am very impressed with his knowledge. I am very grateful he decided to share. Check it out and subscribe and you will be a better you.
Rick Beato
In other news: My girl moved in. My LLC is going from my mind to your world. My face is 80% face and 20% 'fection. My M's are going to break my heart yet again, which is better than third place. My Dawgs are for-fucking-real. My Hawks are still unproven. My Sonics are still missing you fucking nazis. My mom is on the mend. I can pick my own brothers. My truck flames look like black gumby's. My yard is getting there. The weather has been cooperating. G is down the road and D is in the club. Shit has been good man, real good. For such a shitty summer weather-wise, it's been great, life-wise. That's all the news I choose for yous to chews. Later.

Interwebs, come September....

Shout out to Frizzo, for taking care of bizzo. Now, I can air my dirty laundry on the interwizzo. Fo shizzle. ENOUGH! If your cracker-ass mind was unable to decipher my street-jive, I was merely rejoicing at the fact that the Clover Valley house has high speed internet service, and a decent cable package. If that wasn't enough good news, my girl called me up and said, "come and get me". So I did. And the girl got, got. So I'm going to run up to Wallyworld and grab some milk for my ice cream tonight, and my Fruit Loops with Mutherfucking Marshmallows, tomorrow morning, bitch.

The summer has left with a pussy-like whimper. That's okay. Fall is an especially kick ass time of year here in the PNW. The trout bite again. The forest beckons. The Seahawks, oh, the mighty Seahawks! The M's just miss the playoffs for the 67th year in a row. The Huskies begin their quest towards relevancy. That smell...Arrives with the school bells and lingers until after Thanksgiving. We have really gotten a lot of projects done over this summer. Now, with time running out, we must pull together as a team and button up all of the loose ends. Not a lot, but, important just the same. A little pixie dust, makes opiated into...OPIATED!!!! Now that we are back on the grid, I will be able to dole out every delicious detail. It will be as if you were riding on my shoulder like Toucan Sam.........................Good day peeps, good damn day.

Well into August and still no Interweb....

At the Clover Valley World Headquarters. I'll tell you, despite the obvious financial snafus, I am definitely on the mend. I've been spending time with my favorite girl! Now, I'm not gonna try and say I understand the workings of this most mysterious female's most mysterious mind, but it would appear, to my limited observational skills, that she is into me again. Maybe she is, maybe I'm delusional, either way, I'm gonna go with the flow and enjoy the moment and let the deets fall where they may. I spent the whole day today, and several hours last night working on a song. It's a story about a drug-obsessed entrepreneur, who just wants to marry great service and low prices with the black market drug trade. Now, I've been known to sling a bit, back in 2013, but any reference to illegal activities is either fiction or history. With that disclaimer, I give you this:














Be kind when critiquing my work. I donate all the moneys to BALPAC. For this and other Indi-gems, check out my soundclown page HERE
Also:Upper 90's try to save this shitty ass summer. M's are making a show of trying to get into the playoffs...We'll see if they have the juice. Hawks are looking like the shit yet again. We will be deep into the playoffs if not the big one. Dawgs are ranked 7th by SI!!! Have two of seven panels done on the new fence. The shop is 90% done. Almost done with the headliner on my truck. The bed of the truck is done, painted on liner and truck box. HotTub is on the ground, 30 feet from it's final destination. The studio is stone cold pimpin'. Too many improvements to mention in a news feed, stay tuned for an in depth report. For more Branden than you can shake your tits at, follow my Instagram @brandenhuff. That's all the news that's fit to spit...Peace and #DumpTrump

Shhhhhhhhhhh! Valerie is sleeping!

Guess where I am. Evil Val's lair. Ha ha ha! Came over to deliver some of my special sauce. I'm never too far from her thoughts, and as you all know, I'm pretty well sprung on her. Not that I don't do just fine without her, cause I do. But, in a perfect circle, she's my girl. Now I'm all up in her business! Ha! I have been hella busy. Working for Petit. Doing my thing. Building a fence in the front yard. Battling those fucking moles. Built custom speaker boxes for my truck. Moving all of my shit out of the office and garage. Eating Birthday Cake Ice Cream and milk. Taking care of my fucked off face infection. Cloning my favorite plant, and considering an attempt at breeding my own strain of Purple Blaze. Not too sure about all of the details, but when has that stopped me? I have finally got my own P.A.! First, I bought some Peavey PR12's from the pawn shop for 25 bucks. They were priced at $50.00 because they didn't work. I offered $25.00 and they said sure, then helped me carry 'em out to the truck. Got em home, and one worked fine, the other, nothing. Soooooo, I took the plate off of the back, and, low and behold, the wires were unhooked. So, I hooked em back up, and, TA-DA! P, mutherfucking A! Next, I went to Guitar Center and grabbed a Behringer 502 Xenyx mixer. Got it home and discovered that it had no FX send and return, the phantom power is only 15 volts, o today, I will be trading that shit in for a 1204 Xenyx mixer and my shit will be so fucking squared away you could measure it corner to corner both ways and it will be within a mutherfucking 64th of a mutherfucking inch. Anywho, after the mixer, my signal goes into a Peavey Classic 120 tube amp. From there to the speakers we spoke of already. I'm using some shitty mic that I've been carting around for years and years. Probably need to upgrade that shit to a Shure SM58. FX is an area that is pretty much whack. Yeah, I just used "whack". Fuck you, I do what I want. I need to get some fucking phaser on my earth-bound voice and launch that shit into orbit. Stoner Rawk is just not quite right with dry vox. I don't make the rules, but if I did, FX on the vocal track would be non-negotiable. When I close my eyes, I see black and pink fractal light shows in the shape of a guitar and half-stack.

This is the bullshit I'm currently suffering through.(The struggle is real!!!!)

This is the upgrade I will be employing today, to make my shit KICK-ASS!


















As you can see from my words and pictures, life is being lived, and the only reason you are not hearing about it more often is because my interweb situation is about as fucked up as Donald Trump and his daughter giving each other "back rubs" after a long day of lying. That is about all for now, but remember, time is a finite resource...Treat it as such.

WTF Happened To Summer?

The weather!?!? It's like a certain girl I often refer to. One day, sunny and 75. The next day, it pours down rain so hard, you fear for tender seedlings everywhere. I guess the solstice was Monday, so maybe I should cool down, but this was supposed to be an El Nino year! My yard is loving the rain, though. It's so pimped out the Sherriff keeps sending undercovers to try and buy a blowjob. Me and Frizzo jammed some old assed SuperCell songs today. I think I will try to resurrect one and give it a modern twist. Out is the name of the one I'm thinking of. Stay tuned to my Sound Town account. Been selling my extra shit on offer up. Made a fistful of dollars so far. Now I need some work. Plenty out there. Just need to keep grinding. A trip out to the property in Okanogan is in my near future, there has got to be some good news there. M's are tanking. Cav's won the NBA title. Hawks are looking good, got a good feeling about this year! Been laying off of the go-fast until tonight. Donald Trump is a jackass of historic proportions. I hope Clinton gets Elisabeth Warren to be VP...LOVE her! Huskies are all optimistic predictions, now all we have to do is beat Oregon.

New Shit Yo...

Knocked this puppy out in an evening. Might need some drums. We shall see.

12/13/14

We haven't had a numerologist's boner like this since the apocalyptic swing and miss of 12/12/12.  Let's see.  What's new?  Well, I had a couple of hernias surgically repaired on Thursday.  So after I'm all healed up, my body will once again be flawless.  The Huskies are playing in the Cactus Bowl on the 2nd of January.  The Huskies basketball team is undefeated after destroying #13 SDSU.  The Seahawks are peaking at just the right time and after destroying SF, AZ, and Philly, we get SF at our place tomorrow.  The Mariners landed Nelson Cruz, and are trying to sign Melky Cabrera.  Fucking A it's a good time to be a sports fan in the great NW.  GIVE US OUR SONICS BACK YOU NAZI BASTARDS!!!!  In pussy news....My girls birthday yesterday.  Happy BDay Valerie.  Are we back together?  No.  Not yet.  Someday perhaps.  Am I giving her money?  Uh...Yeah.  Is she fucking me?  More ways than one grasshopper, more ways than one.  But, by not locking me down, this allows the dirty dog to roam....In other news, cops kill unarmed citizens with impunity.  Bill Cosby is a sick motherfucker...Corporate welfare continues to destroy democracy.  Global climate change rages unchecked...It was 68* here 3 days ago. 131 days of bondage, followed by sweet, sweet freedom. Peace and titties.

All Up In My Grill

Sooooo, I had to take a break from the vagicide I've been committing on CrazyChick01.  My advanced relationship sensors alerted me to the fact that by utterly destroying this pussy, I may be unintentionally creating "feelings" in the rubble.  These feelings, while useful as motivation to follow my every perverted, deviant sexual fantasy, could come back to haunt me.  A woman scorned is a DANGEROUS adversary.  I'm fearless, not stupid.  Okay, I am stupid, but I'm not crazy...Okay, maybe a little crazy, but I'm definitely not suicidal. Yeah.  Not suicidal.  A glutton for punishment, but I want to live damn it!!!  I cannot believe how many good years I wasted on that fucking cunt, Valerie.  Remember how much fun we used to have dippin the wick all over this great country?  Good times...Koch Un Bolls 2015...The shoot out resumes....

Hawks get healthy and I get laid...

Well, it was ugly.  That statement is true for the Seahawks and for me and Valerie.  We both realized it was time for rededicating ourselves to the fundamentals.  The Seahawks and I, not Valerie.  So, the Hawks got back to the run, and I got back to hitting on any girl I like, knowing the numbers would favor me sooner or later.  Oh, sure, I struck out a few times before I made solid contact(baseball analogies work better for chick stories), but eventually I drove one out of the park.  Is she crazy?  Bat shit.  Does that make for better sex?  You better believe it.  Do I ask too many rhetorical questions?  Probably. Will I please stop?  For now.  In other news, my Dawgs got beat again.  My fantasy football team got tuned up big time.  In cooking news, I made a chorizo and cheese omelet that was fucking awesome.  Sometimes you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. Actually every time. Without eggs it's something else entirely.  Any who, in da weather, last night was a hella wind storm. Lightning and rain and power outages.  Oh my!  Today was a nice October day, sunny and 60*.  Kind of like my betty situation, yesterday was crap, today sunny.  Life is like that.  AA zombies will tell you that's God in action.  Bullshit. Brandensbaked will tell you that your brain has been fine tuned over millions of years to look for patterns, so patterns are what you see.  Who is right?  I guess there's no way to tell until you die, and there in lies the rub. At least with my theory you get to stay off of your knees.  I suggest you think it through and make up your own fucking mind you God damned lemming.  Peace and titties fools.