Long Time Eh? Soooooooo...

Trump is the doctor assisted suicide of Presidents. These are historic times we live in mutherfuckers. If we make it through this shit intact, it will be in spite of the Idiot-In-Chief. He couldn't be more incompetent if he were a  Saturday Night Live skit. So anywho, what the fuck are you all doing with your newly found free time? Me? Oh, I'm actually working. Ha! No shit. I will tell you what though, when I get some free time, Imma go get started on a bunker on the Okanogan Property. When I'm not working on my bunker or working for a living, I'm living it up at the Clover Valley Headquarters with my Bestie Tara. Oh man is she sexy. Young too. I'm just biding my time until she hits rock bottom, then...Valerie is downstairs on an air mattress. Frank is in the downstairs bedroom. No music is being made at the moment. Sad....On  a brighter note, Summer is just around the corner! The Mustang is almost done and I have my eyes on another. I miss Kayla. I miss Obama...

This is why we can't have nice things Donald.

So, like everything the fucktard touches, the Supreme Court is ruined. Repubs put another sex offender on the SCOTUS. BTW Clarence Thomas is the other. The country is going to shit in a shitbag. I am very displeased indeed. I will vote in the midterms, but I fear my countrymen are of such a low intelligence we have no hope of a satisfactory result.

WTF?! Is Branden even Baked? Read below to Find The Fuck Out....

Well well, what have we here? A fresh new post, post respite, I suppose. Me? Oh, I've been fighting the good fight, pursuing revenge to an unhealthy level, chasing demons, pussy, and of course, the dragon. I've managed to stay out of trouble. No. Nope. Haven't done that exactly. I've managed to stay under the radar, participating in the usual amount of trouble. No cops in my life, knock on wood. Since last we spoke, I have lost the girl, had the girl return, ravished the girl(to prove a point), then banished the girl. Now, I am at peace with the(much heavier) girl just being a friend. I had a tattoo installed on my calf, had another one updated, and had my first one refreshed. I have the studio running and have been using it regularly. My dog died😢. I have resisted the urge to get a new one. I am enjoying the freedom from responsibility. I now have a troop of rabbits that live under my shed. They are eating my landscaping, but are an asset to the yard overall. I've nearly completed my side-yard project which includes a new deck and a water feature. I have had a new roommate for a year this month. She is a peach, and we share many passions, well, dope. My old roommate Dave Pettit Garcia, got shot in the face and murdered. RIP Dave. I miss you buddy. Frankie is doing well, living on a couch in East Brem. And finally, the 900 lb. gorilla in the room, Donald Fucking Trump. As with Baby Bush, I fear he will be re-elected. I hate what this cuntry has become. This cunt is running game on us you fucktards! The Republicans are a joke, and the joke is on us. I'm not even going to waste my typing trying to motivate anyone to vote Democrat. You either get it, or you suck. I will hope for the best and plan for the worst. Btw, you might want to grab some ice or snow and sock it away in your freezer so the grandkids will have some idea what things were like in the past.
Revolution and titties motherfuckers-



P.S. How 'bout them M's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Micro is the new Awesome super-fun to completion.

Micro. Seems simple enough. Small. Little. Tiny. Yet somehow, these synonyms do not convey the whole story. Microbrews are not designated driver drinks served in a thimble sized frosty mug. They are hand crafted, exquisitely rendered small batch masterpieces, which somehow absolve you of the lable drunk mother fucker. A microcosm is more than just a shrunken cosmos. It is a perfectly sublime example of a complex system in an easy to digest analogy. Micromanagement is the art of losing the forest for the trees. Yet micro is also an apt descriptor when I think of my own self image at this crucial crossroads that my life has stopped at. Look left. I see fresh new pavement. Perfectly drawn lines. Sensuous curves, not too sharp, roll away in the distance. Look right. Straight. Flat. Lonely. Behind me, my road I've known for years. Bumpy? Sure. Some fucking nightmare potholes too Brah. The road I've traveled to get here. Finally, I could go straight ahead. May be some trouble up around the bend. For sure, some nasty fender benders that I will have to take care of. My heart says stay the course. Work out the kinks as they come. My mind, which is tired of my heart getting its way, says hang a left and lick that route from stem to stern. Revel in that smooth tight fresh road and never look back........................................................

AZ was KAss

Cali was beautiful. Oregon was a blur. Washington was making me a little queasy. Vacation was needed but always glad to return to my girl. That was my first flight since 9/11. I opted for the pat down instead of the invasion of privacy death ray. All in all I give my trip 9 thumbs up.

The Shit Show Continues...

Trump continues to prove his incompetence. The world loses respect for the USA. I love this country, but the inbred, fat, stupid, lazy, uninformed section of us grows while the thoughtful, tolerant, well-read, forward-thinking intellectual section shrinks. I guess we(the smart ones) will have to adjust our moral compasses to have the guts to do what's necessary to save the planet and ourselves. Yes, you guessed it. Forced sterilization. I know that sounds extreme, but let's face the facts. These back ass intolerant hillbillies are running the show while we play by the rules. That has to end. I want to make this country great, but we'll have to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

Trump Puts the Cunt in Country

Well hello from the resistance. Trump is in DEEEEEEEEEP shit yo! His Secretary of State got caught lying to Congress. The secrets are hidden like Russian nesting dolls. Me? I'm okay. Been working on my truck. Slow going though. 'Bout had it with the fuckheads I call Red state Americans. Time for a coup.

Trump. Nope.

So, as I recover from an unfortunately placed abscess, I am watching, reading, listening. I know Trump has already done enough to justify impeachment. Not that I am foolish enough to think the crooked Republicans would even think about that. Hell, they may even investigate Hillary before they focus on the most unethical man to hold public office since Mayor Berry of D.C. So I wait. When Trump is sworn in, when he begins to deny people their constitutional rights, then if our congress fails to act, it will fall upon all able bodied men. And we will act. At least the real men will. We will be staring the end of the USA in the fucking face, and those that conspire with tyrants will be remembered, mark my words.

In other news: I got a Google Pixel. My brother is such a cunt. I'm going to Phoenix for M's spring training. VP and JP are moving to Manchester. It has been below freezing for weeks. My electrical is still fucked up. I have some big projects planned for the nice weather. Dry wells, drain field improvement, tree removal, new shop. Later, and keep up the resistance!

Electoral college flunkies!

Today was the last chance to deny Donald "I'm the greatest at you know like words, I mean, I have the best words" Trump, AKA "Not my president", AKA "Someone took a Trump in a paper bag and lit it on fire on our front porch", the highest office in the world. They failed to use their judgement in a competent manner. If we don't use the Electoral College to deny the office to this douche, then why the fuck have it? It serves zero purpose. Fuck those guys and gals, fuck Trump, fuck the Republicans, and if you voted for this shit for brains...Fuck you too. So, as the heavy weight of reality settles onto my shoulders, my spine begins to compress, and the bounce in my step is grounded as I realize this racist piece of white trash is going to dominate the fucking news cycle for the foreseeable future. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Well, I'm not going to let it ruin my life. I'll just have to do what I always do...Make some strong-assed lemonade out of this big fucking bushel of lemons, life hath dealt us. I feel for the minorities. You folks must be shopping for bullet proof vests as I write this. Well, if you voted for Hillary then I really feel bad and I apologize for my race of jack-asses. If you voted for Trump, or you didn't vote, well, you are about to get a civics lesson the likes of, we ain't seen since old Tricky Dick Nixon or South African Apartheid. God knows what the fuck this fool is capable of! I really hope there is something worth saving the next time we get to vote. I have a sneaking suspicion that you lazy fucks will put the fucking stuffed crust pizza down and get your ass off of the couch and VOTE!!!!! Trump really will be a billionaire by the time he is done fleecing the shit outta us. We about to get ripped the fuck off. I leave you with this: Keep your hands where the officer can see them. Lock up your valuables. Store plenty of dry goods, fresh potable water, batteries and ammo. Don't let any of the women out after dark. White women. Don't let minority women out period. Too fucking dangerous. Take your money out of the bank and stuff it in your mattress, at least until this is over. Sell all of your investments except for precious metals. Hunker down and stay safe. We have four fucking years of this bullshit ahead of us. Don't be quiet. If you see some fucked up bullshit, speak the fuck up, yo! Get involved in politics. You're about to see how important that is. Watch the news. No. Not Faux News. Real News Fool. NPR if you don't trust CNN. Read the paper. Check your sources. Don't get drawn in to some bullshit because you're a gullible jack-ass. We, more than likely, will get through this. If we don't, it was a hellava ride right? We are the last SuperPower on the planet! Democracy won! Before Trump...Now I'm not so sure. I will see you motherfuckers at the resistance meetings. I'll be wearing real tree camo, sucking on a slurpee, boots laced up and ready to take MY MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY BACK!!!!

Banner Jump Joint...

GOVERNMENT CHEESE from The Banner Jump on Myspace.

I Mind...

This song needs to be re-worked. That being said, this is the original version still squatting on myspace...

I Mind from Supercell on Myspace.

In other news: THE HUSKIES MADE THE PLAYOFFS THE HUSKIES MADE THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Seahawks kicked ass but lost Earl for the season. Sales are down. It snowed here today, but caused almost zero mayhem. Trump is still a dick. Republicans are still evil. Not the cool kind of evil like moi, but the frustrating kind that all of the lemmings follow and think is patriotic. Dawgs face Alabama on New Years Eve...Biggest. Game. Ever.

I'm done pouting...On with life.

So I found this delightful little angel, and she is good. Let the record show that I found her first. I am trying to be more positive and this is the beginning of my balls to the wall positivity. You've been warned!



In other news:
Happy murder the injuns day! I'm eating at Sherry's with my roommate and my girl. Hawks are definatley heating up! Dawgs are still in it. Need to beat Wazzu! The weather sucks. A trip to Arizona is in my near future. The house is slowly conforming to my vision. My evil plan for world domination is coming together beautifully! Muha ha ha ha ha ha ha a a a a a!

Trump wins! Humanity is vanquished again.

So. Dawgs got beat by USC. America got beat by Trump. Tough for me to admit. Give him a chance they said. Dawgs can still make the playoffs they said. First the good news. UW is crushing Arizona State. Now the bad news. Trump is filling his cabinet with White Supremacists. Ok. Lemonade out of lemons. UW can still make the playoffs. Sorry America, that's all I got.

My Oh My! Dawgs Eviscerate Cal!

Damn Dawg! That shit was brutal. 66-27, and IT WASN'T EVEN THAT CLOSE! These Huskies have the killer instinct that other UW teams haven't had. USC next week and a great test. If that doesn't move us into the top four they can shove the CFP rankings up their loose, calloused asses. I am itching to fight someone worthy. I'm hoping the WSU-UW Apple cup is one to remember. I'm rooting for WSU to go undefeated until the game against us. I'm guessing they will. Setting up a perfect storm of UW power VS. WSU Couging it. Fun fact: I lived at Wazzu in 1989. That's where the legend of Brad and Branden got it's glorious start. The winter of '89. Oh yeah. Spokane. The Parkade. Leather jackets. Eating moldy cheese. The news said "Don't go out today!" Good times. Good times. In other news: Val came home today. Seahawks already looking at a must win on Monday night. Cubs win it all. Frankie has worn out his welcome. Too bad too. We always had a good time, but a mutherfucker needs to pull his weight...He doesn't. Plus, the lies. I got two new PA speakers today. Peavey SP2 ti. The election is uncomfortably close. Visited Mom today. My B-Day is Monday, I'm hoping to get a Seahawks win. Brad and I had a crazy night December 4th, 1989 at the Monday Night Football game against....The Buffalo Bills. Took place in the mighty King Dome. Hawks won a thriller 17-16. Fucking poured down rain today. Cold too. Got the foose ball table taken down and put away. I'm on a historic runner, and shit is getting done yo. I'm over 500 followers on Instagram. @brandenhuff Stay tuned for more remastered Supercell joints. Trump is gonna get trucked. By a girl.

Anxiety Level Rising, Irritation Level Keeps Pace...

So, this fucking Trump thing, it just won't go the fuck away. What started as a joke, progressed to a spectacle, has ballooned into a full-blown, fucking, nightmare. Jesus Trump, do us all a favor and hang yourself in the closet while masturbating. Oh, I know. Trump only masturbates in a room full of mirrors, but a guy can wish. The thing I'm really struggling with, is my utopian vision of democracy. You know, everyone has a vote and a valid point of view. Well, I'm rethinking that. I'm starting to feel like the fucking idiots are dragging me along on their stupid idea express and God-damn it, I want the fuck off. I don't like the idea that a dumb-ass that can't extrapolate their plan to it's horrific, if not apocalyptic, bloody end, so I have to be involved while they "try" it. Just because you are too stupid to see Trump as the grifter he so obviously is, doesn't mean I should have to let him make America fucked again so that I can say "see asshole?" I'm starting to think that perhaps the intelligent 25% of our country should use this advantage to oppress the 75% of jack-asses and shut them the fuck up. It wouldn't be too hard. Oh sure, we'd have to suspend the constitution and impose some kind of emergency marshall law, but if that were ever warranted, now is the time. If that prospect makes you uncomfortable, how about dividing the country into two, and letting the conservatives govern their inland empire the way they see fit, and us liberals will run the coasts the way we want, and in 25 years, compare notes(If we haven't had to destroy them). Oh sure, they would think they had the world by the short hairs, due to their media spewing propaganda instead of news, but when they see how well our system of common sense has done for us, maybe they will come around. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I know, ridiculous. They haven't let reality intrude on their fair and balanced view of the world yet, no reason to think they ever will. I guess the only thing to do is systematically exterminate them. We'll call it a "fair and balanced" approach to the stupidity epidemic. If we wrap it in an American flag topped with shiny new Jesus-fish and play some country music in the background, serve pizza with hot dog crust, free ice cold Bud, and 'Dew for the little ones. Keep all of the participants lily white. Screen for GBLT types. Live stream it on Facebook. Bill it as, "They're going fast, so don't miss out on your chance to own your own little slice of heaven!!!!" Then send 'em to the afterlife. Good luck and goodbye!

Here is another re-mix off of my album 15 on One:

Happy Halloween

I cannot wait for this fucking election to be over. So tired of all of the lemmings following their blow-hard, ass-hole, dog-haired, liar of a presidential candidate around like beggars at a coin show. Fuck you Trump. And fuck you Trump followers. So sick of you. Go away mad. Anywho, I remastered an oldie but a goodie for All Hallows Eve. Here ya go...

P.S. HOW ABOUT MY MUTHERFUCKING DAWGS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Storm Of The Century (Trump's Upset)

Soooooo many things to blog about! First order of business, my Washington Huskies! They hung 70 on the Webfoots of Oregon. Somehow we got even for 12 years of frustration in one Saturday afternoon. Excuse me Ducks, I'm just gonna use your beak as a stepping stone, I'll put my foot right here, sorry, that's it, perfect. Thanks. We now have a clear path to the playoffs. Second order of business. This storm. Started earlier today, and is predicted to wipe humanity off of the planet, or at least cause some flooding. Third order of business. The Seahawks. Bye week is over. Everybody is well rested, and a tough Atlanta Falcons team is coming in to play this weekend. I like our chances. Jimmy Grahm has 100 yards in each of the last two games, so, let's keep that streak going. Finally, and surely least, The Trumpleupppagus is vewy upset that the mean weporters are all wighting mean stuff about him. He is so disadvantaged! Just because a pushy, my-way-or-the-highway kind of guy grabbed a couple of women by the pussy, then bragged about it on tape, bragged about it on Howard Stern, bragged about it to anyone who would listen, doesn't mean that it really happened that way. No, no, it was more like this: These women were about to fall, and Trumpy saved them by catching them by the inner-inner-inner thigh, cause it all happened so damned fast. Now everyone wants to spin it to make Trumproast look like a bad, bad, man. It's all very unfair. You know what? I'm gonna drop the gratuitous sarcasm and just be real for a minute. You dig? Here goes. Trump is a bully. Plain and simple. He bullies anyone he can get away with. When he gets grabby with women, he is really just trying to dominate. He is a punk bitch. Sexual predators are the lowest of the low. I'd like to see him bully me. He is not fit to lead anything, let alone this country at this crucial time. I hope all of my many, many readers that accidentally clicked on my blog while looking for 90210 style cooking tips, will do their civic duty and vote for Hillary Clinton on November 8th, and show the world that we're not all camouflage wearing, fat, uneducated, racists that watch NASCAR and shop at Walmart. PLEASE! Put down the Dew and Vote! In other news: Living room is painted, now working on the trim. Got my hard drive caddy for the laptop, now I need an SSD. Came in second in the first poker game of the year, congrats to Smackpaka. Got my LLC paperwork done, just need the 200 bones to file. Val is going to stay with her sister tomorrow for a while. We are still going strong, it's kind of a please-the-family kind of thing. I need to step up my game in the daily work dept. Chelsea has a chaweeny that is awesome, thinking about a puppy. That's all the news I choose for yous to chews. Until next time....Peace and Hillary, Not Trumpian Chaos.

I'm Not Sure If....

I'm not sure if this month is 'Toberin, but it's for sure Rockin.
This is FUCKING HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON HUSKIES FOOTBALL IS RANKED #5!!!!!!!
Two of the top four are from the Big Ten Conference and play each
other on November 26. That leaves a clear path for the Dawgs to
make the College Football Playoffs 2016! Damn Coach, that was
pretty fucking quick. You da man! Don James would be proud of the
team you've put together. OKG for real. These kids battle...And
win. There is a lot of season to go but I have waited a long time
to get back to a place we always knew we belonged. The top of the
heap baby. I'm livin on top of it. I'm livin on top of the heap!

In other news:
I got another section of fence up today. Completed one speaker stand. Got the computer switched over to an SSD. Have to go to Tukwila in a minute. Gonna get some new strings for my death-fiddle. I have cotton-mouth right now something(Sompthin)fierce. Hella baked yo. Mutherfuckin pie eyed. All my thoughts expressed as nods. Best intentions somehow lost. Your throat constricts, this burning thirst. Milkshake in hand, fortunes reversed. Your eager slurps betray the need. Fight through the pain, give in to greed. Milkshake consumed with reckless speed. Blood runs out of both ears, eyes defiant through the tears. Some kind of record that day he siezed, though died from massive cerebral cortex freeze. Gave old "Can't stop talking about work" the business so bad, he's gonna quit smoking heroin and be a NA superstar. Just think, all of those captive listeners. I'm Joe Carpenter and I'm an addict. Just yesterday I spent six hours making a movie about the half-hour of work I did. Then I went on Facebook and told everyone that I only have four dollars cause of all of my responsibilities. Even though I live in my Dad's basement. So I guess I'm just a super duper duche bag. Oh well, thanks for letting me share. Fuck you Opie. I couldn't care less if I never saw you again. It poured down rain yesterday. M's lost in extra innings and are out. Great fucking year. Again we are the champions of the teams that didn't make the playoffs. I'm gonna take the foosball table apart so I can put lights in and get a table for my house. I've got a great plan, can't wait to see it all in place. Tried to sell the table(BLASPHEMY!), but Smackpaka didn't follow through with a supposed sure-thing. Oh wow, big fucking surprise. That's okay, when I don't have any projects, I'll peel all of the laminate off of the table, get new, hip, modern laminate and re-finish it. Put in the coin box and get new rods and bushings, oh hell yeah! Gonna be the best fucking foose evah! Sticky Fingers Frizzo is stealing splash cymbals lately. We now have 2. Getting ready to put Christmas gifts on layaway. I have four hundred followers on Instagram. Val is swollen. Trump is a super fucking asshole grifter and if you vote for him, lose my number, shit for brains. Hawks handled the Jets and moved to 3-1. I'm gonna get Lisa's carry and take some time off of my (H)obby. I need some more face and mind healing time. I am still winning, but no reason to coast now. Well, my little sycophants, that's all the news that's hip to ship

Check this out...Rocktoberfest is upon us!

I found this dude on Youtube tonight. I was looking at videos on drum tuning. Turns out, he knows fucking everything in the world about music. I am very impressed with his knowledge. I am very grateful he decided to share. Check it out and subscribe and you will be a better you.
Rick Beato
In other news: My girl moved in. My LLC is going from my mind to your world. My face is 80% face and 20% 'fection. My M's are going to break my heart yet again, which is better than third place. My Dawgs are for-fucking-real. My Hawks are still unproven. My Sonics are still missing you fucking nazis. My mom is on the mend. I can pick my own brothers. My truck flames look like black gumby's. My yard is getting there. The weather has been cooperating. G is down the road and D is in the club. Shit has been good man, real good. For such a shitty summer weather-wise, it's been great, life-wise. That's all the news I choose for yous to chews. Later.

Ahhhh. Memories. My Kramer....REWARD!!!!

The Guitar Paul Billings III stole. He is currently in Kitsap County Drug Court

The Serial Number

Paul hasn't paid for this crime...Yet!

Which was stolen from my house in Port Orchard, Washington on or around July 18, 2013. A little dirtbag named Paul Billings took it while I was in jail. He pawned it somewhere, possibly at Trader McGee's in Bremerton, Washington. The guitar is obviously a custom job, done by myself, but the value lies in the history. I obtained this Kramer in 1995 from a good friend who had it since the original owner lost his life. The guitar was purple and pink, but under all of that eye shadow, this thing had balls. I stripped it down and had it painted black with gold flake at Al's Used Cars and Trucks. He also clear coated it with an automotive finish. It remained that way until 2008 or '09. I then started screwing around with colors and artsy finishes trying to find this thing's hidden identity. One day, I threw it on the table saw while listening to "What's next to the moon?" by AC/DC. A couple of cuts here, a little off of the top there, and voilà!!!!

This is from 1996, Right after I painted it black.

Pre-paint circa 2006

I had found the magic spell to release the inner bad-ass that this Kramer always possessed but was suppressed. Impressed, I had to rest. I'd done my best, and passed the test. And the rest? Find a color that stressed it's blessed, this guitar, from way out west, caused shy, responsible twenty-somethings to crowd up to the stage and forcefully share their ample breasts. I was impressed. No no no, don't get dressed. Let's all regress to mindless sex, and give these breasts the best 'fest I'd guessed. 

SuperCell show at the Ray Waterman RV and Rodeo show 2001

This is from 2007.

Ah, but I digress. When the guitar had found it's true shape, I then painted it using closely guarded technics I had developed over the years.(Unfortunately, the guitar itself was not as closely guarded). I quickly did a pro-setup and added it to my arsenal of six-string murder weapons. Soon after that, on July 15, 2013, I got busted for passing off fake Facebook/Copywrite posts when I made a fool out of the wrong Sheriff's social media liason. While my lawyers were sorting through the legal minefield, Paul broke into my home and took everything he could carry in his tiny, child-like arms and sped away to buy his heroin. Many things were stolen. My MXL microphones. (4). My M-Audio Black Box. My Alesis Multimix 8 mixer. My Ibanez bass. My Yamaha acoustic. etc. The thing I want back the most, the thing that's easy to identify, is that Kramer. The serial number is on the screw-plate easily seen in the photo. Okay. I'm outta time. Bottom line. I want this guitar. I will pay the person who has it, for it. I will give a reward to the person who finds it and informs me where it is. Let's start the bidding at $250.00 reward, and $350.00 for the guitar. We'll negotiate from there. Aight?