Banner Jump Joint...

GOVERNMENT CHEESE from The Banner Jump on Myspace.

2 In A Day...

Here Ya Go-

Killer.

Everything. Weather. Energy level. Mental state. The thing about confinement is it lets you appreciate freedom. Pain lets you appreciate pleasure. Your mind is a differential measuring engine. Without the lows, the highs are nothing special. My drug use, specifically needles, was me creating lows in a flat line existence. Humans are the ultimate adapters. Challenge yourself in a healthy manner. Don't do the same thing over and over. Keep things interesting. For your own sanity, eat an eighth of cubensis and....Listen to MonsterMagnet.

Been A Long Time, Eh Bobo?

Sorry for the neglect peeps. I got caught in an alternet reality where everyone was enslaved by an evil app...Facebook. Damn! That shit ain't even funny. I graduated Drug Court...Started back in black. Caught a habit. Lost my job. Started back into music production. Going to rehab next Monday. Gonna get job back. Grew some mushrooms. Didn't notice they came up. Got spores all over and ruined 'em. Got it down though. I wonder what else I'll grow this summer? Hmmmmmmmmmm.
Gotta jam...Glad to be back. I missed you too. Peace!

Climate Change Fails To Deliver As Predicted

Well, the tree hugger's got caught with their pants down and pecker in hand, after pseudo scientists predicted a massive global catastrophe would be unleashed on 12-12-2012. These so called experts claimed that the gravitational pull from all of the 12's aligning along the  orbital axis of the date plane would cause a major tectonic shift throwing the world into a violent, apocalyptic ho-down, fulfilling the prophecy and setting off all of the violent events predicted by the Mayans, Christans, Jews, Muslims, Rasputin, Edgar Cayce, Nostradamus, and the psychic hot line. For some skeptics, the lack of destruction was a welcomed blow to the balls of the so-called "experts", who continually fill the news cycle with predictions of end-of-the-world scenarios, race wars, genocide, and governmental malfeasents which never materialize or even partially come true. This does not, however, slow the constant stream of predictions pushed by the snake-oil salesmen hawking their bullshit wherever suckers congregate. So yesterday at 12:13 pm, I removed my tinfoil helmet, gas mask, chem suite, Kevlar vest, and ammo-belt, unlocked the triple deadbolts, scanned my iris, uttered the pass phrase into the mic, opened the blast-doors to my nuke-proof man cave, and climbed the 112 steps to the elevator and began the 20 minute ride to the surface. After running a full environmental scan determined the earth was still habitable, I read the geopolitical situational summery that basically told me...Nothing happened. We wasted 12-12-12 hiding in the ground when we should have been doing body shots in Cabo or sipping Absolute in an Ice palace in Reykjavik! Fucking psychics! I'm beginning to think that they don't see the future at all. Maybe they are all just fucking scammers, and the people that pay $1.99 per minute to hear wondrous tales of the future are just lemmings or sheep being led around by their stupidity. In fact, I'm gonna go get my spiritual advisor shtkla-tvkta on the phone right now and have her do a reading of my chakras to determine if I am open to diving any "truths" today. We owe it to our descendants to find out if anyone will be on the planet in 500 years when the containers holding the spent fuel rods from our nuclear experiments finally fail and spill radioactive sewage all over the planets somewhat delicate water table. We may have been a bit hasty, when we were assured by the congress that global catastrophes or the rapture or the four horseman of the apocalypse would guarantee a planet devoid of all life as we know it... Oooops.

WWJD?

Sooooo, I finally addressed the "Jeff situation" this morning. I had read his libelous comment some time ago, but couldn't manage to give a shit, and believe me, I tried. So anyway, this morning, I was looking for an Amazon receipt in my email, and I  found more of his stupid comments there...In my email, not in the Amazon receipt.  Well, I sure as hell don't need this fool thinking he had me all tongue-tied, so I gave him the business somethin' fierce! I'm sure he won't make the mistake, of making the mistake, of trying to tell ME what's up again any time soon. First, I corrected all of his factual errors. Then, I come back with some witty, but kind of mean, but still entertaining, prose. Then, just when he's about to fold up like a cheap-ass carnival and get... I hit him with the TRUTH. Can I get a "HELL YEAH"? Thank you. I know it's fun to give the business to someone who has it coming, but the important thing is that we've all learned a valuable lesson here, especially Jeff...And the lesson is...Always carry a trash bag, no, wait, um...Never judge a, no that's not it either...Walk a mile in a dude's, NO, FUCK! So, I guess I didn't learn shit, but I hope I taught a motherfucker something....In Sports, the M's have fallen back to earth-43 & 48 at the break, 7.5 out...In Weather, WHAT THE FUCK? Somebody shake Summer and tell 'em to get the hell over here, Please!...In Astral projection grease, we have contamination, mold I suspect. Must try again...K, I'm outta here...Peace and titties~

Alter Egos Emerge~

Dr. Flashlight made an unannounced appearance Monday night, when a rare spring power outage struck the beach drive community like a mule-kick to the scrotum. Luckily, we still had laptops and iPods and leds and candles. Yes, the candles are more of an atmosphere enhancer than a tool, but we had ‘em. Not having interweb or Netflix or HDTV blasted by a 40 inch photon cannon is a bummer. On the bright side of this blackout, we are saving a shitload of electricity. Maiden got ahold of one a them there house-coons, right in front of the porch. Well, I looks over to the ol’lady, and she says, “Get that Goddamned coon girl!” Well, seein as I’s the one  be payin’ any vet bills, I called her off. Funny, in the book “Where the Red Fern Grows”, they make coon hunting seem like brain-surgery crossed with Non-linear algebraic Nano-licking butt-fuckery. Come to find out, just live here. The mutherfuckers come up to the front door and ring the Goddamned doorbell. They aren’t even smart enough to leave a flaming bag of shit. Stupid coons.  Added some spores to a sterile bag of rye berries today, I wonder what will happen? I’ve been led to believe, If my heart is pure, I will be shown a wondrous place, full of magic and forgotten knowledge. Maybe even a secret source of ju-ju. At the very least, enough braincain to land four dimensions from this shit-plane. I believe the flavor is Virginia Creeper. Anyway, a funny thing happened the other day, Valerie asked me if Ozzy did the “Dog the Bounty Hunter” theme song. “No fucking way”, was my immediate response. Well, after hearing it again, I looked it up. Fuck me. He is schlepping for Dog. Now that got me to thinking. What a fucking crime-fighting dream team. Ozzy’s brains, and Dog’s brains. Wow. Fucking blow-my-mind. God left his finger prints all over that one. In sports, the M’s had the day off after taking 2 of 3 from the Philly's. Loving this team. Dustin Ackley was called up for this series, and performed as advertised. Now it’s off to Washington DC to play the Nationals. M’s are like 36-34 or around there. A game out of first. Totally unexpected success this season. I guess we probably have a few of those years owed to us…I won an auction for a Behringer 1204fx-pro mixing board for 76 bucks. Now I will have some phantom power for my mxl 990 condenser mic. I shall be in a  position to capture the sound of my acoustic vision. The duality of summer and freedom. A musical version of a bicentennial quarter.