Mmmmmm. Tasty Weekend Yo.

Arizona has had a great year.  That being said, move the fuck over so my Seahawks can get some of that spotlight.  I am salivating waiting for this Sunday.  Gonna take over first place.  I love the thought of the other NFC contenders looking over their back only to see the Hawks charging.  We are on a collision course with the New England Patriots.  You mad bro?  Christmas party tonight...Taking Tiff....Healing up nicely.  125 days of bondage.  Peace.

12/13/14

We haven't had a numerologist's boner like this since the apocalyptic swing and miss of 12/12/12.  Let's see.  What's new?  Well, I had a couple of hernias surgically repaired on Thursday.  So after I'm all healed up, my body will once again be flawless.  The Huskies are playing in the Cactus Bowl on the 2nd of January.  The Huskies basketball team is undefeated after destroying #13 SDSU.  The Seahawks are peaking at just the right time and after destroying SF, AZ, and Philly, we get SF at our place tomorrow.  The Mariners landed Nelson Cruz, and are trying to sign Melky Cabrera.  Fucking A it's a good time to be a sports fan in the great NW.  GIVE US OUR SONICS BACK YOU NAZI BASTARDS!!!!  In pussy news....My girls birthday yesterday.  Happy BDay Valerie.  Are we back together?  No.  Not yet.  Someday perhaps.  Am I giving her money?  Uh...Yeah.  Is she fucking me?  More ways than one grasshopper, more ways than one.  But, by not locking me down, this allows the dirty dog to roam....In other news, cops kill unarmed citizens with impunity.  Bill Cosby is a sick motherfucker...Corporate welfare continues to destroy democracy.  Global climate change rages unchecked...It was 68* here 3 days ago. 131 days of bondage, followed by sweet, sweet freedom. Peace and titties.

Killer fall day in the Clover Valley

Sunny and 28* as the polar vortex kills off the weak and dazzles the survivors.  I would not want to be living in a tent or cardboard box this week.  Peace...

All Up In My Grill

Sooooo, I had to take a break from the vagicide I've been committing on CrazyChick01.  My advanced relationship sensors alerted me to the fact that by utterly destroying this pussy, I may be unintentionally creating "feelings" in the rubble.  These feelings, while useful as motivation to follow my every perverted, deviant sexual fantasy, could come back to haunt me.  A woman scorned is a DANGEROUS adversary.  I'm fearless, not stupid.  Okay, I am stupid, but I'm not crazy...Okay, maybe a little crazy, but I'm definitely not suicidal. Yeah.  Not suicidal.  A glutton for punishment, but I want to live damn it!!!  I cannot believe how many good years I wasted on that fucking cunt, Valerie.  Remember how much fun we used to have dippin the wick all over this great country?  Good times...Koch Un Bolls 2015...The shoot out resumes....

How To Pick Up Women....

My favorite way?  Pull the truck over and ask 'em if they need a ride.

 Works best when it's cold out and they are carrying a garbage bag full of clothes.  Sooooo, any who, that's what I did Saturday.  Dropped off crazy chick #1, went to an AA meeting full of dudes, then I picked up crazy chick #2.  Today my life is 2/3rd full of crazy chicks.  That ends up being more than the USDA recommended daily allowance.  I can handle it yo.  In other news....Dawgs got beat....Hawks pull it out in the 4th quarter....Polar vortex bearing down on the Clover Valley....Won my 3rd game in Fantasy Football.....New Pink Floyd dropped....165 Days left of bondage....Brandensbaked has left the building.

Day of the Dead.....Dance of the Dead

Today is the Mexican holiday Day of the Dead.  I love everything Mexican.  Except for their schwag brick weed.  If they could get their bullshit weed situation worked out, that would be a country on the rise.  Psssst. Mexico. Call me.  I got skills that pay the bills.  Any who, the Huskies are bowl eligible.  After beating Colorado in The Bud Bowl, college edition, we are 6-3.  Right about where everyone figured we'd be.  So far, pretty disappointing for yours truly.  I thought for sure Chris Peterson would be able to get a win against at least one of the big three, AZ state, Oregon, or Stanford.  I guess a win at UCLA would go a long way...Mariners lost Justin Smoak to Toronto last week.  I always liked the man.  Sorry things didn't work out.  Good luck Smoaky.  The Seattle Seahawks take on the lowly Raiders today in Seattle...What can I say about this?  C'mon Hawks!  Time to pad the stats and get some third stringers off the bench.  In weather, cloudy and 46* here, snowing in Foxborough for the Patriots and Broncos.  And lastly, Corrosion of Conformity have gotten the Blind lineup back together for one show...Wish I could see that!  Here's the song that started my long love affair with COC:

Peace and titties fools.

Hawks get healthy and I get laid...

Well, it was ugly.  That statement is true for the Seahawks and for me and Valerie.  We both realized it was time for rededicating ourselves to the fundamentals.  The Seahawks and I, not Valerie.  So, the Hawks got back to the run, and I got back to hitting on any girl I like, knowing the numbers would favor me sooner or later.  Oh, sure, I struck out a few times before I made solid contact(baseball analogies work better for chick stories), but eventually I drove one out of the park.  Is she crazy?  Bat shit.  Does that make for better sex?  You better believe it.  Do I ask too many rhetorical questions?  Probably. Will I please stop?  For now.  In other news, my Dawgs got beat again.  My fantasy football team got tuned up big time.  In cooking news, I made a chorizo and cheese omelet that was fucking awesome.  Sometimes you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. Actually every time. Without eggs it's something else entirely.  Any who, in da weather, last night was a hella wind storm. Lightning and rain and power outages.  Oh my!  Today was a nice October day, sunny and 60*.  Kind of like my betty situation, yesterday was crap, today sunny.  Life is like that.  AA zombies will tell you that's God in action.  Bullshit. Brandensbaked will tell you that your brain has been fine tuned over millions of years to look for patterns, so patterns are what you see.  Who is right?  I guess there's no way to tell until you die, and there in lies the rub. At least with my theory you get to stay off of your knees.  I suggest you think it through and make up your own fucking mind you God damned lemming.  Peace and titties fools.

Gods and Punks

If anyone has been following "Gamergate", you've no doubt heard about these spineless fucks, who, from their parents basements, threaten female-rights advocates.  They mercilessly harass any female who puts forth ideas that threaten the status quo, as far as females being portrayed as helpless, sexy, playthings, that need to be rescued by the male archetype superhero(nerds on an Xbox).  Now if you read my blog, and I hope you do, you know that I objectify women.  In my reality, which I create, women are sexy, dumb, and horny.  I also fantasize that sooner or later these horny women will probably need some kind of rescue.  Hopefully by yours truly.  Hopefully followed by steamy, kinky sex.  With me.  I don't begrudge the "gamers" this world view.  The problem arises when one of these females has an opinion that differs from the "gamers".  Now, when I offend one of these independent, strong-willed women, I expect to be ruthlessly spanked and forced to lick their leather stilettos. Hand-cuffed to a giant wheel, I soon regret my sins. These socially retarded trolls however, use their advanced interweb skills to reveal sensitive personal information of the outspoken women, like addresses and social security numbers.  The goal is to silence these dissenters, and any other women who may be thinking of speaking out, by making them fear for their personal safety.  These chickenshit, anonymous punks hide behind screen names, like, "gamerfag69", or "joystickmick", while the courageous women they harass have the balls to publish under their true identity.  Well let me just say this, I am willing to beat any of these threatening trolls half to death in exchange for sex with the fine assed female being harassed. You punks might run the interweb, but real life is my domain. Peace and titties fools.

Seahawks to appear on Maury....

Jesus.  I was led to believe that my Hawks were mentally bulletproof.  I must admit, the Percy Harvin trade felt like a punch in the gut.  Things seemed to get worse by the day.  Now, peoples tongues are wagging 'bout my main man, Russell Wilson.  Is he black enough?  I'm not willing to risk letting him loose in the streets of Ferguson that's for sure.  He is well spoken.  Does that make him un-black?  Or does that threaten the Ebonics speaking  thugs.  I don't know, nor do I give a fuck.  What I care about is WINS.  Let's put this petty bullshit behind us and put a beat down on Carolina.  That will be the salve on this herpe of a week.  Any who, in other news, I got a new Tivo HD DVR tuner today and it rocks.  I'm getting all of the channels.  All of them. Shhhhhhh. Don't tell anyone, y'hear?  In voting news, I turned in my ballot.  Voted DEMOCRAT all the way across.  Fuck you republican cunts.  In weather, HOLY SHIT A TORNADO TOUCHED DOWN IN WASHINGTON!!!!! You're all caught up on the news that's fit to spit.....Peace and titties fools.

Seahawks Enrolled In Special Ed

The Rams special teams did in the Hawks, single-handedly back handing the champs who were handed their second straight loss.  Also, my reign as the worst fantasy football manager evah, yeah, that's still intact.  My UW Huskies got their asses kicked.  SK Wolves are horrible.  Enough football.  The weather? Fan-fucking-tastic. Sunny and 66*.  In my old life, I would be trimming up some huge kolas of some super fine Frieze.  I used to grow one out back by the bamboo every summer, and get about a pound of kind nugs yo.  In my new life, I'm growing bored.  I have way over a pound of that shit too yo.  I have to go to 3 AA or NA meetings every week. Weak.  Ever seen the movie "Fight Club"?  Well, I'm about to break the rules, and talk about "Fight Club".  Remember when Ed Norton Jr. can't sleep?  He starts going to all those 12 step meetings?  Yeah, that's exactly what a lame ass 12 step meeting is like, without all the editing.  Punishing.  Cult.  Brainwashing.  Reprogramming.  Well, this mutherfucker can reprogram his-self. I don't buy into all Bill W..hatever his name is's bullshit.  But, I signed on for this, so I will see it through.  That is the kind of stand up mutherfucker I am.  186 days until I get my mojo back.  Peace and titties.