HO HO HO

I fucking love a good HO. Merry XMas sucka!

Be Ye Warned...

When the Scorpion rises all is lost for those who choose the path well worn.

Good Times, Great Friends

So, as the last of the fog juice dissapates into the atmosphere, I sit, bathed in black-light, spent but satisfied, reflecting on these last few CRAZY weeks. When life sends you lemons, you make lemonade. When life throws you sex, drugs, and fuckin' rock, you make brandensbaked. Okay I'd better start from the beginning...

Hurricane Brandensbaked

Sorry it seems like I've been ignoring you mutherfuckers. In order to have the great material for this blog-o-mine, I first have to go out and live it. Then I have to let my brain cells regenerate, organize the information, and tell the story in an informative, yet entertaining manner. We have just passed the regeneration stage...Stay tuned. Peace and titties.

Today's Record

Just about ready to hit the road to Bridgewood. Beat X today 13-0. First time he's ever been shut out. See ya at Scarlet's after the show.
B

K I'm Home Early

So I'm at da club right? I see silver, who is the finest girl anywhere, anyhow. O.K. maybe viciouspuddin is finer, but honestly I have never met her in person. So Silver, me and her go back a couple of years. She wants me to come to her house and do what I do like only I can. So I am on cloud BONER!!!! But as far as tonight, I go home with the guys. X, who is usually very polite, starts off 12-0 in a game of Madden 2006. Well he is so full of himself, he forgets that I am the all time champ master winner stud. So I go ahead 13-12 in the third quarter, then I began a very unsportsmanlike session of giving him da business good, K? I hog the ball the whole fourth quarter, then kick a "fuck you dude" field goal as time expires. brandensbaked 16, X 12. So now you can go to bed. We got big plans tomarrow, SKIDMORE at the Brightwood Tavern in Bridgewood. All the people in the know, they know, ya know? Mary St. Claire is MIA:(

I Am In Portland!

Headed down to the Safari! Yeeeeaaaaaaaah!!!!

Fact Filled Fucking Post

This morning on my way to work I spotted this dude hacking away at his hedge. On the surface, not very metal. However, this particular dude happened to be in long black pants and a black leather jacket. Yardwork in leather is very metal. *When I say metal, I'm simultaneously making devil horns with my right hand*
Remember Butter? Yeah, stop it. Now and forever they shall be known as SKIDMORE They will be LIVE! Saturday at a bar called Brightwood Tavern in the town of Bridgewood. All the people who said "say that ten times fast", should go in their bathroom and shoot themselves in the head. Repeat if necessary. Anyway, Brightwood Tavern is located at 63010 E Brightwood, Bridgewood, OR 97011 Their phone # is (503) 622-4719. Tickets can be purchased at the door, but ladies bring your knee-pads and lip-gloss just in case. SKIDMORE is a pleasant blend of styles, think Santana, Rush, and 2LO. I haven't heard their singer yet, but if he is anything like me, he kicks ass.
Friday night I will be at the Safari with my favorite strippers, Namely, one Mary St. Clare. Cold Coronas, shots of 1800, and titties. That is all I need to say about that. Word.
BooRippinRadly is off to Vegas for the weekend. Hmmm, I wonder which of us will have the better time. The smart money is on brandensbaked, cause that mutherfucker is dialed in. Word.
Well I'm off to clean up my Explorer. Explorer, Safari, hilarious. My life is a fucking riot.


The Banner Jump LIVE!
September 27 @ Rebar in Seattle.
October 8 @ Hansen's in Bremerton.
October 21 @ J.A. Michaels in Port Orchard.

New Show Added!

The Banner Jump will be appearing LIVE!! at Hansens in Bremerton on Saturday October 8th.
Yes, our hot bassplayer will be there. Will you?
Will the guy in the white baseball hat be there?
I guess you'll just have to show up and find the answers yourself. Former Supercell bassman 2Lo will be taking his new band Butter off of some sweet jumps this Saturday, September 24 in the Mt. Hood, Oregon area. X was too weak to type the details in an unsent email, so we'll nail down the particulars in tomarrow's fact-filled post. Stay tuned. Peace and Titties Mutherfuckers.
brandensbaked has left the building.

KGB Picked Up By Local Authorities

This KGB cell was picked up Saturday night by local authorities and taken to an undisclosed location for interrogation. "Yeah, we will burn these fuckers with a lighter to get what we want. It's a post 9/11 world", stated a high official who wished to remain anonymous. This may not be the only cell in our area. Citizens should not try to apprehend KGB themselves, but should call an expert for capture and disposal, uh, interrogation.