Happy Presidents Day!

This holiday is often relegated to the back seat in the world of celebration. This should not be the case. George Washington, our first president, was offered the position of king. He declined. A selfless act that cemented the template of our great republic. Imagine Bush in the same situation. We didn't even offer to make him a monarch, but he is fucking pushing it anyway. I gotta admit, though, King Brandensbaked the Pie Eyed, has a nice ring to it. "Hear ye, hear ye, all maidens of breeding age, shall report to his majesties court for some slap and tickle". Anywho, I digress.
Abe Lincoln, the other mutherfucker we are honoring on this day, also had a hand in shaping the country. He outlawed slavery(the bad kind), and set forth a policy of reconciliation after the Civil War. It cost him his life. He was also the first president to be assassinated. But his forward looking policies kept the country together. So we got to keep Mississippi. And a bunch of other shit-hole states. Hmmm. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Too late now. So in conclusion, the world we live in today, was heavily influenced by these two ugly mutherfuckers. Thanks guys, RIP.