Guitar tryouts for goons, grifters, and guns without the breach

     So I’m FrankieFingers, BBaked’s new roommate and the other half of the band that we are still forming.  So far we are on our fourth guitar player in about two and a half weeks.  Now our finances have been abundant as of late for a change, so that luxury has afforded us a few trips to Guitar Center for some purchases that were costly but well worth it if your trying to start a band.  I got the drum kit and B the guitar toys as well as a new bright orange bass(beautiful).  We both have some experience playing in bands, him more than I, but we’re moving right along and sounding better every night.  I say night because the hours we can play revolve around a business on the property where we reside and I don’t think loud, heavy music coming from downstairs in which two crazy guys pound out their best licks and chops would be “good for business.”  Anyways, we had a friend of mine come try out and this consisted of showing up unannounced several times with his foolish life. Who knows everything there is to know on this planet? The fact that he was only able to play smoke on the water and even that was shaky at best wasn’t the problem, really, because B is a patient person who would have taught him along the way.  The problem was he then proceeded to show up several times, once on a bicycle he rode for miles to get here, who's ownership was unclear, or he’d arrive guitarless and say things like “I’m ready to jam”. Number two was a neighborhood dude that B knew from way back and this guy was something else.  A close to fifty, ex-con with a swastika tat on his stomach and a ridiculous, feeble attempt at a mohawk.  He didn’t spike it up and it was long so it looked like a bad combover and that was just the beginning of the end for this idiot.  He could play in what could pass as sufficient enough to sit in and maybe learn from B along the way but once again he’d come over to hangout instead of play music.  He only wanted the thrill of hanging out in the rock n roll “lair of love.”  On top of that madness he started acting real suspicious by coming and going ten fifteen times a night.  Now his addiction was quite apparent from the start, and he knew that we knew that, so his “casing the joint” for future pawns was never too much of a concern.  He also was one of these guys who “scraps” metal on the side.  We failed to spot the hustle on this one, I’m afraid to admit.  If you know someone who does this make sure you immediately cut all ties, if you want your pipes used to plumb the house to be there, intact, when you get home.  Copper earns a pretty penny and if you have aluminum siding..well lets just say sever the bond ASAP!   To make the story short things started coming up missing and some other shady shit went down that prompted us to fire guitar player number two after only our 8th official day as a band.  The most odd and funniest story is guitar player number three; a girl who had dreams of being a star overnight; a girl we couldn’t get rid of and she may not know yet that she has no chance of playing alongside us: EVER!  She continues to call or show up unannounced willing and ready to do anything to be in this band and anything means just that, despite us hinting at her inadequacy(as a musician anyway) with phrases like “your not to come over here anymore” or the old let her down easy “you totally suck shit girl, and put your dick away!"  That story in my next blog as well as her next tryout as a singer which will include my thoughts on her songwriting skills with examples and actual quotes from a song left here one night I can only describe as quite possibly the worst song ever written in the history of songwriting.  I’ll leave you with this line off the hit song Dead Mother “my good feeling sensors were set off,” can anyone say antennae?  1st Blog in the bag and it was(almost) painless. Until the next time B gives me a chance to put in my two cents this was FrankieFingers and I’m outta here.