Unique views on music, politics, life.

Brandensbaked...The Id of a dude in upper left 'Merica. Trump hater! The creative force behind "American Supercell", a BIG DEAL in the Clover Valley music scene, played guitar in "Bonedawgs", "Banner Jump", and "Musclefuzz". Is proficient in all the manly arts, such as creating art, constructing useful things, mechanics, combat gardening, and respecting women. Possibly an immortal...Time will tell.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Sup Ballers?

Me? Oh, I got two tickets on the train to Sobersville. Hmmmm. Where should I begin? How about the loud banging on the front door at a-quarter-to-oh-shit-the-pigs-are-here-with-a-warrant, on July 15th. It seems, according to the affidavit for search warrant, somebody ratted on yours truly. I KNOW, RIGHT? Anywho, I found myself in quite a pickle. Looking at no more pussy until 2018. Oh sure, I could have turned into a punk bitch and ratted out my hook, but then I would be a punk bitch rat. Unacceptable. Soooooooooo, I took drug court. 18 months of intense, supervised, reprogramming of my drug addict mind. Piss tests, NA, groups, one on ones, check ins, home searches, and court appearances once a week. If I succeed, charges dismissed. If I fail, 60 months in the joint. So far I have 76 days clean. No dope, no booze, no uppers, no downers, no shrooms, no doses, no lines, no tokes, no loads, no benzos, no dones, no subs, no kind nugs, no BTH, no pure, no shit, no white, no black, no crys, nothing. Just coffee, Rockstars, and Red Bulls. Super clean. Not too bad. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Even though I haven't used any mind altering substances, I still managed to fuck up a couple times. They found a crack pipe during a routine search of my room(Government plant, obviously!), for that I got 3 days in the hole. I missed a UA Saturday, I'm sure I'll get 3 more days when I go to court Friday. All in all, I consider myself lucky. I dodged a 5 year prison sentence, and I get to try a radical way of life that never would have happened if it weren't for some sorry little piss-poor piece of shit skating on a drug charge they couldn't/wouldn't do themselves. Well, instead of being bitter, I'm gonna turn a - into a + and hope the rat bitch uses their second chance to overdose or choke to death on their own vomit and do us all a solid....


In other news....Fucking Hawks!!!! 4-0. Fucking M's...71-91. Fucking Dawgs!!!! 4-0. Fucking Rain...Salmon are running up Blackjack Creek. Frankie, in an excellent example of how to be completely devoid of any wealth whatsoever, sold his drums, and bought smokes...Brilliant. Oh yeah, all of my guitars got ripped off while I was in jail, except for my Charvelle, which was in the pawnshop. Frank and Val managed, between them, to NOT extend my pawn ticket for 28 dollars, so I lost it too. Frank managed to call the wrong pawnshop and secure a guarantee of 30 extra days to pay off any loans, of which I had none.
I'm sure other things happened too, but that's all I can think of tonight....This has been all the news that's fit to spit...BDawg out.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

My we live in interesting times...Happy New Year

Confucius say, "Man who makes no resolutions have very little shit to talk about around the water cooler when Christmas vacation over". Another favorite Chinese quote I found in the I Ching  AKA the China mans Book of Mormon, is a little tidbit concerning a man's duties on the last day of any year in which the animal representing that particular year, is a mammal with the ability to mate multiple times during any fertility cycle. It roughly translates to: "On the last day, of the year of the dog, a man should fuck many bitches, shit on the neighbors lawn, and lick his own balls in rabid celebration, but should show restraint in the practice of sniffing others assholes". Wow! Sound advice, passed down through the ages, and still relevant some 5000 years after it was written. Happy twenty-lucky-thirteen bitches/mutherfuckers! We enter into the Year of the Seahawk. Year of the Tube sock. Year of Garsement(garage/basement band) style of BaseRawk. Man I am feenin for a big old fat hit from the pipe of some baserawk. What? You've never tried baserawk? Oh man. If there aren't any dealers slingin it on your block, you can make your own. You buy common street level rock, like Foo Fighters or Metallica. Weak and expensive, it usually comes in powdered form. Cut many times from the studio to the street, unscrupulous middle men try anything to increase the profits. It's mixed with lactose, or gypsum, soap, sugar, other cheaper music, or even words, and sold to the next sucker. By using baking soda or ammonia to change the pH level from an acid to a base, we are also removing any contaminants, cut, impurities and rendering it into a highly concentrated, smokeable pure Rawk. BaseRawk is fast acting, portable, and easily concealed when inserted into a bra, pocket, or into a vagina. Now, you can avoid detection from the Man, the Fuzz, the Pigs or anyone who seeks to control or demoralize, or deny you your right to Fucking Rawk. Due to BaseRawk being insoluble in water, it can even be hidden in the mouth or quickly shoved up ones asshole to hide it from overbearing siblings, parents, teachers, even drug sniffing dogs. Now, I do not trust any drug sniffing dog, and I believe them to be unreliable(at best) witnesses in the courtroom, and(at worst) liars who are willing to perjure themselves if needed. Basically, as puppets for their employers, they will testify to whatever lies their masters need, as long as they get the drugs they like to pump up their insatiable snouts. I know that they're just pawns for the prosecution, a threat to the legal system, and a tumor on the brain of Lady Liberty...But this is a discussion for another time. I'm feeling like Rawking up some super chunky, evil jams, the jams that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Sounds so heavy, they could only be created in the gravitational field of a super gas giant planet, like Jupiter or Neptune, before flowing down through the galaxy's hidden dimensions, to the astral plane below, where, sucked into the wet, warm mouth of a black hole's event horizon, then into the swollen labia of a worm hole, so tight it seems to hold there forever, until finally, passionately ejaculated deep into this reality, all over the faces of eager young freaks who, from their knees, beg to be covered in the hot, sticky, sounds of (insert band name here). The very same (Insert band name here), who gained a huge following during the, "Rawk don't Roll, Pigs and snitches no show show" in 1998. The "Leave your 'tude at home or at least at the door tour", in 1999. The "Fuck and suck, do the drugs, bang your head on the floor, only then will we stop pounding Rawk down your whore tour" which was every year from 2000, through 2010. They were in hiatus for 2011, and 2012, resting and recharging, and writing new material. Almost finished recording their latest offering, the new album will be released in May, and the band hopes to build on these earlier successes by again touring all summer, supporting the new record, and reconnecting with old fans, while introducing themselves to the next generation by headlining the "Cum to your senses, Titty and Testicle Festival" which will be in all the major American cities this summer, other bands,tix and dates TBA.