The random musings of an underexposed artistic genius

brandensbaked was born in the year of revolution, during an undisclosed "free love" decade. His views were formed at the alter of "hair metal" and by parents that were too lazy to force religious beliefs on his impressionable mind...It's sad really. He had to form his own views. Brandensbaked is the creative force behind "SuperCell" a BIG DEAL in the Clover Valley music scene, played guitar in "Bonedawgs" , "Banner Jump", and "Musclefuzz". He is proficient in all the manly arts, like construction, mechanics, and combat gardening. Possibly an immortal...Time will tell.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Dawgs Fall and Fall Shines

Fucking Huskies! Had every opportunity to win this one. WTF was up with that fake punt?  Hmmmm. Not sure, but it sucked.  A lot of football to be played yo.  M's are hanging by a thread. If Oakland wins again or we lose again it's over.  No Seahawks this week.  I'm still looking for my first win in my fantasy league, Mac attacks minions. The weather is fucking awesome today.  Sunny and 66.  Today is day 438 of my sobriety experiment. 209 days until I get my mojo back. Peace and titties yo.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014


Oh Mariners, where art thou? Three back with five left. Can I get a little "refuse to lose" from 1995? I think I'm just going to go ahead and stick a fork in 'em.  This year was magical, yo.  My only problem is the fact that it was over before the money-shot.  Kind of like if you meet this chick at the bar, right?  She is okay.  But her body is killer.  The body, that's my metaphor for Robinson Cano. You get this bitch back to the crib, and she is puttin on a show, yo.  Blowin your mind.  Her mouth, oh, her magical mouth....That's the M's bullpen.  So, your scroggin away for 145 games, and it's a dream.  She's screamin, your moanin.  Shit is falling off the shelves. Neighbors are like, get that bitch an Emmy 'cause she's puttin on a show, yo.  But then, the little lady starts looking at the clock, right?  Your all like, "What's wrong baby?" She's all, "My boyfriend freaks the fuck out if I'm not home by 3." Then, she says, "I'm sorry, I gotta go."  Your all, "Wait, I haven't, um, ya know, cum yet." And she says, "We'll cum next year, see ya in spring training." Damn...

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Super Bowl Remix

Hawks win! Overtime thrilla....Dawgs pull out a respectable second half against Georgia State....Ms are fadin fast...Last day of summer, and oh was it a beauty!  My grass is back.  Ive been getting migraines, brain tumor? Stay tuned!  I weigh 200 lbs.  All fucking muscle...except for the fat.  I'm horrible at fantasy sports.  I'm hella good at real sports.  Fuck you fantasy nerds, you'd die for my glory day, pee wee football scrapbook. That's all the news that's fit to spit....Peace and titties.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

PS........I'm Pstill Psober

Sooooooo anywho, it's been 431 days since I shot my last goofball(Click HERE for definition), and life is good.  But I must admit, life was good while I was out-of-my-fucking-mind.  I guess it's just different.  Calmer.  Steady.  The highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low.  My girl is also clean, also in treatment court.  She looks awesome.  I look chubby.  You'd want to pinch my cheek if you saw me.  I am living back  at world headquarters in the beautiful Clover Valley.  Got me a new guitar....
Got Frankie's Pearl drum kit. Put new heads on the bass drum and snare....Still need hi-hats, ride, and crash symbols and stands.....I have a piece of shit bass too.  What I don't have?  Um, inspiration.  No bonghits for this mutherfucker until I graduate drug court. You want some irony? Pot is legal in Washington and I cannot have any.  You say that's not irony, that's coincidence? Fuck off. My sense of humor is not stoned either.  One thing I do have, a world fucking championship!!! Go Hawks! My Marineros are on the cusp of a return to October baseball.  My Dawgs are 3 and oh, and have the best coach in the galaxy. Maiden is thirteen this fall and still kickin'. Deaf as a post. She's sober too.  It feels like I am about to get my mojo back in................216 days. Peace and titties fools, peace and titties.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Sup Ballers?

Me? Oh, I got two tickets on the train to Sobersville. Hmmmm. Where should I begin? How about the loud banging on the front door at a-quarter-to-oh-shit-the-pigs-are-here-with-a-warrant, on July 15th. It seems, according to the affidavit for search warrant, somebody ratted on yours truly. I KNOW, RIGHT? Anywho, I found myself in quite a pickle. Looking at no more pussy until 2018. Oh sure, I could have turned into a punk bitch and ratted out my hook, but then I would be a punk bitch rat. Unacceptable. Soooooooooo, I took drug court. 18 months of intense, supervised, reprogramming of my drug addict mind. Piss tests, NA, groups, one on ones, check ins, home searches, and court appearances once a week. If I succeed, charges dismissed. If I fail, 60 months in the joint. So far I have 76 days clean. No dope, no booze, no uppers, no downers, no shrooms, no doses, no lines, no tokes, no loads, no benzos, no dones, no subs, no kind nugs, no BTH, no pure, no shit, no white, no black, no crys, nothing. Just coffee, Rockstars, and Red Bulls. Super clean. Not too bad. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Even though I haven't used any mind altering substances, I still managed to fuck up a couple times. They found a crack pipe during a routine search of my room(Government plant, obviously!), for that I got 3 days in the hole. I missed a UA Saturday, I'm sure I'll get 3 more days when I go to court Friday. All in all, I consider myself lucky. I dodged a 5 year prison sentence, and I get to try a radical way of life that never would have happened if it weren't for some sorry little piss-poor piece of shit skating on a drug charge they couldn't/wouldn't do themselves. Well, instead of being bitter, I'm gonna turn a - into a + and hope the rat bitch uses their second chance to overdose or choke to death on their own vomit and do us all a solid....

In other news....Fucking Hawks!!!! 4-0. Fucking M's...71-91. Fucking Dawgs!!!! 4-0. Fucking Rain...Salmon are running up Blackjack Creek. Frankie, in an excellent example of how to be completely devoid of any wealth whatsoever, sold his drums, and bought smokes...Brilliant. Oh yeah, all of my guitars got ripped off while I was in jail, except for my Charvelle, which was in the pawnshop. Frank and Val managed, between them, to NOT extend my pawn ticket for 28 dollars, so I lost it too. Frank managed to call the wrong pawnshop and secure a guarantee of 30 extra days to pay off any loans, of which I had none.
I'm sure other things happened too, but that's all I can think of tonight....This has been all the news that's fit to spit...BDawg out.