The random musings of an underexposed artistic genius

Brandensbaked...The Id of a dude in upper left 'Merica. The creative force behind "SuperCell", a BIG DEAL in the Clover Valley music scene, played guitar in "Bonedawgs", "Banner Jump", and "Musclefuzz". Is proficient in all the manly arts, such as construction, mechanics, combat gardening, and respecting women. Possibly an immortal...Time will tell.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Storm Of The Century (Trump's Upset)

Soooooo many things to blog about! First order of business, my Washington Huskies! They hung 70 on the Webfoots of Oregon. Somehow we got even for 12 years of frustration in one Saturday afternoon. Excuse me Ducks, I'm just gonna use your beak as a stepping stone, I'll put my foot right here, sorry, that's it, perfect. Thanks. We now have a clear path to the playoffs. Second order of business. This storm. Started earlier today, and is predicted to wipe humanity off of the planet, or at least cause some flooding. Third order of business. The Seahawks. Bye week is over. Everybody is well rested, and a tough Atlanta Falcons team is coming in to play this weekend. I like our chances. Jimmy Grahm has 100 yards in each of the last two games, so, let's keep that streak going. Finally, and surely least, The Trumpleupppagus is vewy upset that the mean weporters are all wighting mean stuff about him. He is so disadvantaged! Just because a pushy, my-way-or-the-highway kind of guy grabbed a couple of women by the pussy, then bragged about it on tape, bragged about it on Howard Stern, bragged about it to anyone who would listen, doesn't mean that it really happened that way. No, no, it was more like this: These women were about to fall, and Trumpy saved them by catching them by the inner-inner-inner thigh, cause it all happened so damned fast. Now everyone wants to spin it to make Trumproast look like a bad, bad, man. It's all very unfair. You know what? I'm gonna drop the gratuitous sarcasm and just be real for a minute. You dig? Here goes. Trump is a bully. Plain and simple. He bullies anyone he can get away with. When he gets grabby with women, he is really just trying to dominate. He is a punk bitch. Sexual predators are the lowest of the low. I'd like to see him bully me. He is not fit to lead anything, let alone this country at this crucial time. I hope all of my many, many readers that accidentally clicked on my blog while looking for 90210 style cooking tips, will do their civic duty and vote for Hillary Clinton on November 8th, and show the world that we're not all camouflage wearing, fat, uneducated, racists that watch NASCAR and shop at Walmart. PLEASE! Put down the Dew and Vote! In other news: Living room is painted, now working on the trim. Got my hard drive caddy for the laptop, now I need an SSD. Came in second in the first poker game of the year, congrats to Smackpaka. Got my LLC paperwork done, just need the 200 bones to file. Val is going to stay with her sister tomorrow for a while. We are still going strong, it's kind of a please-the-family kind of thing. I need to step up my game in the daily work dept. Chelsea has a chaweeny that is awesome, thinking about a puppy. That's all the news I choose for yous to chews. Until next time....Peace and Hillary, Not Trumpian Chaos.

Wednesday, October 05, 2016

HawkTober Yo!

The Hawks are into their bye-week and boy couldn't have come at a better time. Russle Wilson is one banged up baller. Hawks are 3-1 and looking gooooooood. Worked in the yard, in the rain, for the past couple of days. Tryin to get CVWHQ buttoned up for the long rainy winter. Pretty much gtg except for the hot tub and the bark in the flower beds. Need to get my shit off of layaway, and put Xmas shit on layaway. Got my girl back, so have to be jolly this year! Still haven't come up with a name for my company. It'll come, they always do. So many projects going, not enough hours in the mutherfucking day. Huskies play the hated Oregon Ducks this week. HUGE!!!!! Win this, and we are in the drivers seat. Window down, pedal to the metal.

Sunday, October 02, 2016

I'm Not Sure If....

I'm not sure if this month is 'Toberin, but it's for sure Rockin.
This is FUCKING HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two of the top four are from the Big Ten Conference and play each
other on November 26. That leaves a clear path for the Dawgs to
make the College Football Playoffs 2016! Damn Coach, that was
pretty fucking quick. You da man! Don James would be proud of the
team you've put together. OKG for real. These kids battle...And
win. There is a lot of season to go but I have waited a long time
to get back to a place we always knew we belonged. The top of the
heap baby. I'm livin on top of it. I'm livin on top of the heap!

In other news:
I got another section of fence up today. Completed one speaker stand. Got the computer switched over to an SSD. Have to go to Tukwila in a minute. Gonna get some new strings for my death-fiddle. I have cotton-mouth right now something(Sompthin)fierce. Hella baked yo. Mutherfuckin pie eyed. All my thoughts expressed as nods. Best intentions somehow lost. Your throat constricts, this burning thirst. Milkshake in hand, fortunes reversed. Your eager slurps betray the need. Fight through the pain, give in to greed. Milkshake consumed with reckless speed. Blood runs out of both ears, eyes defiant through the tears. Some kind of record that day he siezed, though died from massive cerebral cortex freeze. Gave old "Can't stop talking about work" the business so bad, he's gonna quit smoking heroin and be a NA superstar. Just think, all of those captive listeners. I'm Joe Carpenter and I'm an addict. Just yesterday I spent six hours making a movie about the half-hour of work I did. Then I went on Facebook and told everyone that I only have four dollars cause of all of my responsibilities. Even though I live in my Dad's basement. So I guess I'm just a super duper duche bag. Oh well, thanks for letting me share. Fuck you Opie. I couldn't care less if I never saw you again. It poured down rain yesterday. M's lost in extra innings and are out. Great fucking year. Again we are the champions of the teams that didn't make the playoffs. I'm gonna take the foosball table apart so I can put lights in and get a table for my house. I've got a great plan, can't wait to see it all in place. Tried to sell the table(BLASPHEMY!), but Smackpaka didn't follow through with a supposed sure-thing. Oh wow, big fucking surprise. That's okay, when I don't have any projects, I'll peel all of the laminate off of the table, get new, hip, modern laminate and re-finish it. Put in the coin box and get new rods and bushings, oh hell yeah! Gonna be the best fucking foose evah! Sticky Fingers Frizzo is stealing splash cymbals lately. We now have 2. Getting ready to put Christmas gifts on layaway. I have four hundred followers on Instagram. Val is swollen. Trump is a super fucking asshole grifter and if you vote for him, lose my number, shit for brains. Hawks handled the Jets and moved to 3-1. I'm gonna get Lisa's carry and take some time off of my (H)obby. I need some more face and mind healing time. I am still winning, but no reason to coast now. Well, my little sycophants, that's all the news that's hip to ship

Saturday, October 01, 2016

Check this out...Rocktoberfest is upon us!

I found this dude on Youtube tonight. I was looking at videos on drum tuning. Turns out, he knows fucking everything in the world about music. I am very impressed with his knowledge. I am very grateful he decided to share. Check it out and subscribe and you will be a better you.
Rick Beato
In other news: My girl moved in. My LLC is going from my mind to your world. My face is 80% face and 20% 'fection. My M's are going to break my heart yet again, which is better than third place. My Dawgs are for-fucking-real. My Hawks are still unproven. My Sonics are still missing you fucking nazis. My mom is on the mend. I can pick my own brothers. My truck flames look like black gumby's. My yard is getting there. The weather has been cooperating. G is down the road and D is in the club. Shit has been good man, real good. For such a shitty summer weather-wise, it's been great, life-wise. That's all the news I choose for yous to chews. Later.

Tuesday, September 06, 2016

Ahhhh. Memories. My Kramer....REWARD!!!!

The Guitar Paul Billings III stole. He is currently in Kitsap County Drug Court
The Serial Number
Paul hasn't paid for this crime...Yet!
Photo: Photo: Photo:

Which was stolen from my house in Port Orchard, Washington on or around July 18, 2013. A little dirtbag named Paul Billings took it while I was in jail. He pawned it somewhere, possibly at Trader McGee's in Bremerton, Washington. The guitar is obviously a custom job, done by myself, but the value lies in the history. I obtained this Kramer in 1995 from a good friend who had it since the original owner lost his life. The guitar was purple and pink, but under all of that eye shadow, this thing had balls. I stripped it down and had it painted black with gold flake at Al's Used Cars and Trucks. He also clear coated it with an automotive finish. It remained that way until 2008 or '09. I then started screwing around with colors and artsy finishes trying to find this thing's hidden identity. One day, I threw it on the table saw while listening to "What's next to the moon?" by AC/DC. A couple of cuts here, a little off of the top there, and voilà!!!!

This is from 1996, Right after I painted it black.
Pre-paint circa 2006
I had found the magic spell to release the inner bad-ass that this Kramer always possessed but was suppressed. Impressed, I had to rest. I'd done my best, and passed the test. And the rest? Find a color that stressed it's blessed, this guitar, from way out west, caused shy, responsible twenty-somethings to crowd up to the stage and forcefully share their ample breasts. I was impressed. No no no, don't get dressed. Let's all regress to mindless sex, and give these breasts the best 'fest I'd guessed. 
SuperCell show at the Ray Waterman RV and Rodeo show 2001
This is from 2007.


Ah, but I digress. When the guitar had found it's true shape, I then painted it using closely guarded technics I had developed over the years.(Unfortunately, the guitar itself was not as closely guarded). I quickly did a pro-setup and added it to my arsenal of six-string murder weapons. Soon after that, on July 15, 2013, I got busted for passing off fake Facebook/Copywrite posts when I made a fool out of the wrong Sheriff's social media liason. While my lawyers were sorting through the legal minefield, Paul broke into my home and took everything he could carry in his tiny, child-like arms and sped away to buy his heroin. Many things were stolen. My MXL microphones. (4). My M-Audio Black Box. My Alesis Multimix 8 mixer. My Ibanez bass. My Yamaha acoustic. etc. The thing I want back the most, the thing that's easy to identify, is that Kramer. The serial number is on the screw-plate easily seen in the photo. Okay. I'm outta time. Bottom line. I want this guitar. I will pay the person who has it, for it. I will give a reward to the person who finds it and informs me where it is. Let's start the bidding at $250.00 reward, and $350.00 for the guitar. We'll negotiate from there. Aight? 

Friday, September 02, 2016

Interwebs, come September....

Shout out to Frizzo, for taking care of bizzo. Now, I can air my dirty laundry on the interwizzo. Fo shizzle. ENOUGH! If your cracker-ass mind was unable to decipher my street-jive, I was merely rejoicing at the fact that the Clover Valley house has high speed internet service, and a decent cable package. If that wasn't enough good news, my girl called me up and said, "come and get me". So I did. And the girl got, got. So I'm going to run up to Wallyworld and grab some milk for my ice cream tonight, and my Fruit Loops with Mutherfucking Marshmallows, tomorrow morning, bitch.

The summer has left with a pussy-like whimper. That's okay. Fall is an especially kick ass time of year here in the PNW. The trout bite again. The forest beckons. The Seahawks, oh, the mighty Seahawks! The M's just miss the playoffs for the 67th year in a row. The Huskies begin their quest towards relevancy. That smell...Arrives with the school bells and lingers until after Thanksgiving. We have really gotten a lot of projects done over this summer. Now, with time running out, we must pull together as a team and button up all of the loose ends. Not a lot, but, important just the same. A little pixie dust, makes opiated into...OPIATED!!!! Now that we are back on the grid, I will be able to dole out every delicious detail. It will be as if you were riding on my shoulder like Toucan Sam.........................Good day peeps, good damn day.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Well into August and still no Interweb....

At the Clover Valley World Headquarters. I'll tell you, despite the obvious financial snafus, I am definitely on the mend. I've been spending time with my favorite girl! Now, I'm not gonna try and say I understand the workings of this most mysterious female's most mysterious mind, but it would appear, to my limited observational skills, that she is into me again. Maybe she is, maybe I'm delusional, either way, I'm gonna go with the flow and enjoy the moment and let the deets fall where they may. I spent the whole day today, and several hours last night working on a song. It's a story about a drug-obsessed entrepreneur, who just wants to marry great service and low prices with the black market drug trade. Now, I've been known to sling a bit, back in 2013, but any reference to illegal activities is either fiction or history. With that disclaimer, I give you this:

Be kind when critiquing my work. I donate all the moneys to BALPAC. For this and other Indi-gems, check out my soundclown page HERE
Also:Upper 90's try to save this shitty ass summer. M's are making a show of trying to get into the playoffs...We'll see if they have the juice. Hawks are looking like the shit yet again. We will be deep into the playoffs if not the big one. Dawgs are ranked 7th by SI!!! Have two of seven panels done on the new fence. The shop is 90% done. Almost done with the headliner on my truck. The bed of the truck is done, painted on liner and truck box. HotTub is on the ground, 30 feet from it's final destination. The studio is stone cold pimpin'. Too many improvements to mention in a news feed, stay tuned for an in depth report. For more Branden than you can shake your tits at, follow my Instagram @brandenhuff. That's all the news that's fit to spit...Peace and #DumpTrump

Friday, July 29, 2016

Ha Ha Happy Fryday...

Sitting down here at the office using their generous internet access to scheme and plan the world take-over I am in the middle of. Next phase? Wouldn't you like to know, Trump! Anywho, I finished, well finished is a little strong. I built most of the first section of the front yard fence I've been thinking about all summer.

G has been pushing his luck as far as my money goes. He is on his last chance....If the first comes and goes with no money....I'll turn his punk ass out. Believe it!
Got my shit outta pawn yesterday. I'm coming up quick. Need to find some steadier work. Wasting all this summer. Need to get paid! I'm headed for another business, I can feel it. Will I be able to avoid running it into the ground? Jesus, I fucking hope so. Had enough chances, Eh?
I miss my dog. Not quite ready for another one though. Well, back to the research and development of my evil empire!